Oh My!

Well, I am quite possibly the worst blogger out there!! There you sit, wondering what has become of me and here I sit, thinking "Hm....when was my last post?"

And holy crap! I totally left you hanging about the colors of the family room. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. Of course, I feel as if am talking to myself, since, quite frankly, I only know a handful of people who actually READ this, but still.....

To be fair, I was waiting to get some good pictures of the new paint, and the room. But that would mean I would actually have to CLEAN the family room and well, I simply can't find enough time. And, we are trying to find a piece of furniture on which to place the rather monstrous television, so I'd like to have the room looking as I want it before I share with the world.

This past week has - as usual - been hectic. Wednesday night I had class - I'm really not feeling it this semester. I'm stressed about my Investments class, but can't get motivated to start on my project. My construction class is, well, a bit like Bob the Builder.

"And this power point slide is a BULLDOZER. Bulldozers are YELLOW. They PUSH things."

Get.....the hell.......OUT!!

REALLY?

NO FREAKING WAY!!

YELLOW?!?

PUSH THINGS?!?!

Well. I'm just flabbergasted. I never would have guessed.

(OK, it's not quite that bad. But still....)

Thursday afternoon the new Dean granted us a meeting, which went VERY well considering we were there to tell him how much we thought the program sucked and how he needed to do something to raise the bar to meet our expectations (see Bob the Builder lecture above). He was very receptive and I was pretty pleased when I left.

Unfortunately on the way home I got a call from my best girl Meg about a lovely lady I'd know for years (who happened to be a relative of sorts to Meg) and was told that her cancer had progressed quickly and there wasn't much time left. I went straight from Baltimore to see her. I was lucky enough to sit with her a bit, hold her hand, give her a kiss and tell her goodbye. She died soon after I left. She was such a wonderful person and she will be missed by so many people.

This got me thinking.....why is it that you never know how loved you are until it's too late? Why can't we tell people how much they mean to us when they are still here, healthy and aware enough to understand what we are saying? I have decided that I won't let that happen to my friends and family. I'll tell them how much I love them. I'll tell them how much they mean to me. I'll tell them how they've touched my life and how the world is better - my life is better - because they are in it.


Oh. And I'm trying to quit smoking. And by "quitting" I mean, rather than the disgusting amount I smoke now, I'm trying to wean myself (a drastic weaning, but still...) Don't get all excited - I'm failing miserably. Eh - what the hell. I'll give it a try.

And you thought I was bitchy before - HA! Those nicotine withdrawals are kicking in. You ain't seen NOTHIN' yet!

A whirlwind of a weekend!

What a weekend!

For Liv's birthday "dinner", she chose Red Lobster. The grandparents, Uncle B and Brian, Sydney and I ventured out on Valentines Day and decided lunch was probably a better option than dinner! The restaurant was still crowded as all get out, but we had a great time, and Liv got to feel special when the waiters sang to her.

When we got home, Emma came over to spend the night and help Liv "get ready" for the party the next day. They got up, took showers, got dressed and we did hair and (to my chagrin) make-up (which consisted solely of lip gloss, though Emma came loaded with more make up than a model at a fashion shoot).

I wish this picture wasn't blurry, because this is how I always picture Olivia - with a big, giant smile!

And then, they came. a house full of nine year old girls.

There was giggling.

There was running.

There was shrieking (my ears are still ringing).

We played games, we ate pizza and cake and we opened presents. All in all, a great day.

Ignore the colors on the wall. I was in "transition" and trying to pick a color for the family room. Of course, I chose something completely different than the swatches above and painted all day yesterday (Thank God for President's Day!!) Pictures to come later of my hard work.

Happy Birthday Liv!!!

My Liv....

Today my first born turned nine.....

My sweet little baby girl. It makes me nostalgic for February of 2000. Hearing her first cry, looking at those ruby red lips, and seeing the most gorgeous head of dark hair I had ever seen. Bringing her home and crying because I was so scared something would happen to her - so worried I wouldn't be able to care for her - so overwhelmed with it all that it seemed almost God like being charged with the care of this child that I felt an immediate and unconditional love for - and feeling powerful knowing that I would protect her with my life if necessary.

I think back on those first weeks of her life and get tears in my eyes. Those days of staying in bed with her, nursing and cuddling with her, watching her discover this world around her. I remember my small little baby, who would fall asleep nursing and snuggle into me - happy, content and full. I think of the nights that I would fall asleep with her on my chest.....there is no better feeling - nothing compares to that. I treasure those weeks with her. They were some of the happiest of my life - sleep deprivation and all.

We talk about our "first loves".

The ones who first opened our hearts and made us feel something we had never felt before.

Olivia is my first love.

I never knew what it was to love someone - someone I didn't even know - so much that my heart simply ached.

It's different than the love I feel for my husband. That sort of love takes time. We came to love each other after spending time together and getting to know each other. The love I feel for my husband is very powerful.

But this love? The love I feel for my child?

That hit me like lightening. In an instant, at 7:11 p.m. on Valentine's Day in the year 2000, everything changed and I felt something I had never before thought possible.

It's indescribable.

If you haven't experienced the gift of a child, perhaps you haven't felt this jolt of emotion.

It's so powerful it almost knocks you off your feet at your first glimpse of your child.

If you have a child, you know exactly what I mean.

My love for her is never ending. The cuddles I get now are fewer. My sweet baby girl has grown into a young girl and we are experiencing the growing pains that all mothers and daughters do.

But some things will never change.

She will always be my first born.

She will always be my first love.

And I will love her with all my heart and will protect her with everything I have until the day I die.

Where does the time go?

Wow! I can't believe the first week of February is over! Where has the time gone?

Here's what's been happening at our house:

I started school. It sucks. Seriously. Sucks.

I have a bit of a cold. It too sucks. Seriously.

Olivia will be nine years old next Saturday.

That also sucks.

Not because I don't want her to turn nine, but, well, she's growing so fast! She's halfway through her childhood. It makes me a little sad.

Until she talks back to me and rolls her eyes.

Then I think - hey!

Only nine more years - then she's off to college.

I can make until then.....

and then I start thinking about how sweet she looked when she was little

and all of the cute little things she used say...sigh...

And...I painted the kitchen yesterday. Yes I did! By Myself! Brian went to a hockey game with a friend, so I knocked it out all by myself.
Which, in itself isn't unusual. Brian hates to paint. I rather enjoy it. The difference this time is that he wasn't there to clean up after me. THAT sucked.

But I am so happy with the way it turned out. We had something similar in our old house and it was so warm and cozy and welcoming to me.

Look how bright and cheerful it is with all the sunlight streaming in....

Here the light is fading a bit....

So warm and cozy

And finally, Sydney and me......