Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Liv....

Today my first born turned nine.....

My sweet little baby girl. It makes me nostalgic for February of 2000. Hearing her first cry, looking at those ruby red lips, and seeing the most gorgeous head of dark hair I had ever seen. Bringing her home and crying because I was so scared something would happen to her - so worried I wouldn't be able to care for her - so overwhelmed with it all that it seemed almost God like being charged with the care of this child that I felt an immediate and unconditional love for - and feeling powerful knowing that I would protect her with my life if necessary.

I think back on those first weeks of her life and get tears in my eyes. Those days of staying in bed with her, nursing and cuddling with her, watching her discover this world around her. I remember my small little baby, who would fall asleep nursing and snuggle into me - happy, content and full. I think of the nights that I would fall asleep with her on my chest.....there is no better feeling - nothing compares to that. I treasure those weeks with her. They were some of the happiest of my life - sleep deprivation and all.

We talk about our "first loves".

The ones who first opened our hearts and made us feel something we had never felt before.

Olivia is my first love.

I never knew what it was to love someone - someone I didn't even know - so much that my heart simply ached.

It's different than the love I feel for my husband. That sort of love takes time. We came to love each other after spending time together and getting to know each other. The love I feel for my husband is very powerful.

But this love? The love I feel for my child?

That hit me like lightening. In an instant, at 7:11 p.m. on Valentine's Day in the year 2000, everything changed and I felt something I had never before thought possible.

It's indescribable.

If you haven't experienced the gift of a child, perhaps you haven't felt this jolt of emotion.

It's so powerful it almost knocks you off your feet at your first glimpse of your child.

If you have a child, you know exactly what I mean.

My love for her is never ending. The cuddles I get now are fewer. My sweet baby girl has grown into a young girl and we are experiencing the growing pains that all mothers and daughters do.

But some things will never change.

She will always be my first born.

She will always be my first love.

And I will love her with all my heart and will protect her with everything I have until the day I die.

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