Sunday, March 8, 2009

A day in the life...

OK, well, how about an HOUR in the life?

Weekday mornings are the WORST around here. I mean, really BAD. Brian gets up and leaves the house around 7:15 a.m. or so and the girls don't catch the bus until around 8:05-8:10. Now, keep in mind my girls aren't really "morning" people. Not during the week anyway (much like their mommy).

This is our story....


6:45 Brian wakes me up. Brian wakes up the girls.
6:55 Brian wakes me up again. Brian wakes up the girls again.
7:05 Brian threatens to pull the covers off and roll my lazy ass out of bed if I don't get up. The real motivation comes when he tells me he won't leave me any coffee unless I get up. NOW.
7:07 COFFEE
7:10 Begin calling for the girls to come down and get their breakfast.
7:12 Brian calls up to the girls that he's leaving.
7:13 What sounds like a herd of elephants comes bounding down the stairs and runs to the window to wave good bye to daddy.
7:14 The girls begin fighting over the prime spot at the window. I'm on my second cup of coffee.
7:15 Sydney cries because daddy didn't wave to her. He did, however, wave to her sister who happened to be standing right next to her at the window. Go figure.
7:16 Breakfast is served. I usually make a nice, hot breakfast of homemade pancakes or scrambled eggs with toast and juice. I do this while standing in the kitchen in my apron wearing my pearls and a sunny smile.
7:16 In the real world, breakfast is served. Pop-Tarts or cereal - with milk, if we have it.
7:18 I explain to Sydney that yes, they are packing their lunch today, because I am not made of money.
7:19 I explain to Olivia that No, I don't care whether she eats what I pack her or not, she's not buying lunch.
7:21 I finish packing lunches.
7:22 I begin telling the girls to get a move on and finish up soon.
7:23 I tell the girls that I'm going to get a shower and they better be done with breakfast, and be dressed when I get out.
7:24 I pick out their clothes for the day and hop in the shower.
7:26 I hear a huge "THUMP" somewhere. I have soap in my hair and no one's screaming. So I rinse.
7:27 Sydney comes into the bathroom to ask whether her orange flip flops will match the jeans and sweater I have picked out. I tell her I don't think so since it's only 40 degrees outside and since when is she allowed to wear flip flops to school in ANY weather?
7:27 The bathroom door slams and Sydney stomps away yelling about how unfair her life is.
7:28 Liv comes into the bathroom to scream about how disgusting her sister is and how Sydney got toothpaste all over the place and made a huge mess and Olivia just can't be around her because she is GROSS. Sydney screams in the background that she did it on "accident".
7:28 The bathroom door slams again.
7:29 Sydney comes into the bathroom to tell me that Olivia hit/kicked/slapped/pinched her.
7:29 The bathroom door slams again.
7:30 I hear the girls screaming at each other and a lot of banging.
7:31 I now have a headache. Have you ever tried to yell at your children who were two rooms away while you were in the shower? Very loud. Not good for the ears - or the head.
7:32 I'm out of the shower. I discover the girls aren't dressed, their teeth aren't brushed and they are still arguing.
7:33 I drip into the hallway and tell Sydney to finish brushing her teeth and tell Liv to get dressed.
7:34 There are several comments shouted from the bathroom to Liv's room and vice-versa, which are not very nice.
7:35 I go back into the hallway and tell Sydney to now go get dressed and Liv to now go brush her teeth.
7:37 Sydney has decided she doesn't like the shirt I picked out and has ventured to the laundry room to dig through the baskets for something that suits her fancy.
7:38 Olivia is complaining that she doesn't have ANY clothes and she can't wear what I picked out because everyone will laugh at her. She can't explain why.
7:39 A new outfit for Olivia is chosen and she finally gets dressed.
7:41 I yell for the girls to grab whatever they want in their hair and bring a brush.
7:42 Olivia shows up with my hairbrush, which she got from my purse. I am still not dressed and my hair has only been dried half way.
7:43 Olivia's hair is done. She doesn't like it and proceeds to take it out.
7:44 I call for Sydney again.
7:45 I'm now halfway dressed. But I can't find my shoes.
7:46 WHERE IS SYDNEY???
7:47 Sydney shows up. In her underwear. She can't find the shirt she's been looking for. I try to count to ten. I make it to six before I start yelling. Sydney runs from the room to get dressed in what I picked out.
7:48 Sydney is now dressed.

(are you exhausted yet?)

7:49 Sydney has disappeared again to go get the barrette with the kitty cat on it that she wants to wear in her hair. Olivia begins the morning countdown by telling me that we only have 15 minutes until the bus comes. She will continue this countdown every minute until we get in the car.
7:50 I ask Liv to please go let the dogs out. She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily and complains that she ALWAYS has to let the dogs out. I tell her to get over it.
7:52 WHERE IS SYDNEY!!!!!
7:53 I go downstairs and find Sydney in the downstairs bathroom riffling through the drawers looking for her barrette and singing to herself in the mirror. This time I only make it to four.
7:54 Sydney's hair is hair is done and she is crying. I probably shouldn't do their hair when I'm frustrated.
7:55 I find my shoes. But the girls can't find theirs. Olivia reminds me that we now only have ten minutes until the bus comes. I remind her that her hair still isn't done.
7:56 I give the girls 2 seconds to get shoes on. ANY shoes.
7:57 Sydney comes down in her orange flip flops. I don't even bother to count.
7:58 Sydney has gone back upstairs to get real shoes. Olivia is in the bathroom re-doing her hair.
7:59 Olivia comes out of the bathroom and I take one look at her and tell her there is NO WAY she's going to school with her hair like that. She stomps off to try again.
8:00 GET YOUR BOOKBAGS AND YOUR LUNCHBOXES AND GET IN THE CAR!
8:01 Olivia begins to panic because her hair isn't done, which means she has to start over.
8:02 I call to Sydney to let the dogs in. She apparently feels that she has to do EVERYTHING for me and that I need to start doing things myself.
8:03 Olivia's hair is now done and acceptable and she begins telling me that if we don't hurry up, we'll miss the bus. The irony is lost on her.
8:05 We jump in the car and race up the road to the bus stop, just in time to see the bus pull up - on a good day.
9:00 I get to work and walk into my office and discover, upon looking in the mirror, that I have no make-up on.

1 comment:

Dionne Family said...

That is freaking hilarious! Minus the fact that I only have one kid - this was my weekday mornings - when I had a job anyway. Now its the same except I don't have to get ready before taking her to school. I laughed so hard reading this I thought I was going to pee!!!