Wednesday, June 24, 2009

King Midas I am not

Everything King Midas touched turned to gold.

Which is really, really cool.

Well, except when he like, touched his kids and stuff.

Then, not so much.

But, all in all, having things turn to gold under your fingertips is a pretty neat trick!

I have a trick too.

Everything I touch turns up broken.


Seriously - and I'm on a roll.

It's beginning to give me a complex. I'm lucky I have a handy hubby.

Let's see......

The first thing that happened was the giant boulder that came crashing into my windshield one night on the way home. It didn't put a hole through the glass (much to my surprise, since it sounded like a gunshot) but it did crack the glass in an almost perfect circle. I keep waiting for the circle in the middle to just fall out.





Not much I can do about it, except replace my windshield, which I would REALLY prefer to not do unless and until I absolutely have to. It's not cracking more - maybe I'll keep my little circle symbol for awhile without it getting worse? Who knows.



Luckily, I was paying attention to where I was going while pulling into the driveway with my cracked windshield, because the garage door wasn't opening. Usually, I hit the button as I turn into the driveway and the door is open by the time I get there, so I just roll on in!

This time I looked up to see that the door was still down and I gently hit the brakes, causing my head to smash into the windshield and cause another circle-like crack.

OK, just kidding about the whole "head hitting the windshield" thing.

But the garage door?





Definitely not working.

Have I told you that I don't carry keys to my house?



Yeah.

The smart thing to do would have been to stop the car, park the car, and get out and go through the front door.

Ha! You should know I'm not that smart.

Oh, not me.

I called my husband - from the driveway - and bitched at the top of my lungs about how I TOLD him the garage door opener was going and could he PLEASE get someone over here to fix or replace it or SOMETHING??????

The garage door works now. It's amazing how much having a meltdown in the driveway suddenly makes a husband want to

fix it,

fix it,

FIX IT!!!!!

Anything to get the screaming to stop.


Later, I looked at our family computer and wondered why I couldn't turn it on.

Or off.

Or anything.



Right.

It died.

With five years worth of pictures of my kids embedded in the hard drive.

CRAP!

Which leads us to Father's Day, when I decided to put a stick of butter in the microwave to soften up for the corn on the cob.


I hit "start".

The microwave exploded.

Well, that's what it sounded like.

Everyone in the room ducked.

Then we looked to see if anyone was injured.

Then, we played TAPS.

Our beloved Microwave was dead.

Sydney made a sign.



In case I forgot that the most important appliance in our house (in my world anyway) was gone.....

I am now "Queen look at me, touch me, talk about me or think about me and I will break"

Brian and the kids are keeping their distance.

1 comment:

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

That was too funny. Sorry to chuckle at your pain.