Thursday, June 10, 2010

The title goes here.

I always hate thinking of a title for my posts. I have no problem writing an entry that’s witty, charming, full of pictures, sarcastic, award winning and funny (Ok – not really, but anyway)

I STRUGGLE with the titles!

For instance, the title of this post. Should it be “Deep Thoughts”? “Drama by Deb”? “Transitions”?

“Shut the hell up and just get on with it already”?

I have no idea.

For the past ten plus years, I have been:

A Mom
A Wife
A Student
An Employee

I definitely struggled with the guilt of being a working wife and mom and throwing school into that only added to my anxiety. But, let me set the record straight – I went to school for ME and I don’t really have regrets (unless you count the tens of thousands of dollars I now owe to someone named “Sallie Mae”, but whatever).
I loved school. I loved the challenge. I love to learn new things, meet new people, and experience new experiences.

I also love the fact that I’m done.

But here’s the rub. After juggling it all for so long, I now find that one of my proverbial balls in the air is missing and it’s totally throwing off my rhythm.

I am accustomed to scheduling my time down to the SECOND to get it all done. Many things fell through the cracks.

(Like cleaning my house, doing a load of laundry and actually folding it and getting it put away, and regrettably, time with my kids and husband)

Now that I’m done, everyone seems to expect that I will suddenly morph into Mrs. Cleaver and become the perfect wife and mother, who devotes every single second of her free time to housekeeping, cooking, playing with her children, smiling and walking around in an apron with pearls and having sex with her husband every night.
(Um, have you MET me?)

As much as I WANT to be (at least a shadow of) that person, I’m having a hard time getting there. I’ve asked for patience from my family to allow me time to get into “Mommy and Wife ONLY” mode, but really – they’ve been patient for a very long time, and I can’t ask for anything more.

School was my “Me time”.

And now it’s gone.

Eventually I will find something that engages my mind and keeps me as busy as I was before.
But until that time, I’ll walk around in jeans and pearls, cook a few nights a week, be a little more attentive to my husband and children and maybe – just MAYBE – actually get the laundry done and put away.

I need a hobby.

Quick.

2 comments:

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

Don't go giving up your blog in your effort to have sex ten times/week and be the uber mama. We'd miss you.

Sara @ Russet Street Reno said...

Um, isn't blogging your hobby? If not, I recommend gardening! ha