Tuesday, April 1, 2008

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha he-he ho-ho hoo-hoo

OK - time for a nervous breakdown post....

But FIRST!!! If anyone in France has seen a tall, blondish/brownish haired, blue-eyed American walking around, with a book in his hand, spouting quotes from Kurt Vonnegut, can they please tell him to


I mean really, Brandon - I need to talk to you about some things that I e-mailed you about and time is a wastin' - Chop Chop!!

If you have seen this man, please contact me....

He is on the left side of this picture with his arm around the amazingly YOUNG looking woman next to him. Doesn't she just look stunning??? Cigarette and all?? To those that know this young woman, rest assured - the bottle of Corona Light is on the counter behind her, lest you think she suddenly stopped partaking in the wonders of alcoholic beverages. (HEY! Don't judge - whatever helps you get through the day my friend, whatever helps you get through the day...)

Anyway, send me an e-mail bro - we have things to figure out - it's April 1 - only 14 more days until Uncle Sam decides that we are no longer deserving of the crappy economy in this great country of ours and decides to take matters into his own hands....

So! On we go! I came to the realization today, after going through the past several weeks in a fog, that SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!!! I mean, I simply can't do it anymore, you know?

(Whine alert) OK, here's the deal - I work full time - in real estate development - in the worst market in years - and I have decided to make this my CAREER??? Hello??? Bueller? Bueller? Oy.

BUT - I love real estate - always have (even as a kid - no lie), always will. But it's seriously affecting my job (along with a bunch of other things which I cannot blog about) and my income. I drive to Baltimore from work one night a week to go to school and get my Master's in (yup, you guessed it) Real estate development. Mondays I leave the house at 8 am and don't get home until 11 pm (And I pay $4,200 every three months for this privilege. Which only adds to my stress level). And then I can't sleep (sleep has always been an issue for me) so I don't go to bed until after midnight. Tuesdays SUUUUUUUCK. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open at work. Oh, and did I mention that I have two kids??? Who I have to get up, get dressed, feed breakfast, make lunches and get to the bus stop in the mornings all while they are FIGHTING with me and each other and ARGUING while my head is pounding and I'm so tired I could just cry? And throw on top of that the typical issues - money, guilt about not spending enough time with the girls and Brian, the anxiety about EVERYTHING that must be done in a week and there just not being enough hours to do it all, oh, and did I mention? We also have a house that we have been trying to sell and are trying to get it listed (again) in a week so we don't miss the spring market and possibly our only chance to sell it for another year???

I want to run away. Just for a weekend - but I really want to run away. My husband is the greatest husband on the planet and helps me so much that I feel like an idiot for complaining. I know there are a lot of women who get NO HELP. I actually know some women who get no help. But I still want to run away. He can come with me, that's fine. So long as he doesn't EXPECT anything from me for a whole weekend. Make your own coffee...and bring me a cup.

I love my kids more than life itself, I love my husband more than life itself. But if I can't figure out how to juggle all this, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to handle it. I putter along fine for a few days and then all of a sudden I (as my best girl Meg used to say ) "hit a wall". The problem is, I'm hitting the wall more and more frequently. Like, really frequently.

OK, Enough of that!! I can't believe that I just wrote all of that down, but I actually feel revived =) I'm quite certain I'll be fine and maybe I just needed to get that off my chest?! And I'm going to go to bed early tonight and get some GOOD rest =)


Mrs.C said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of OCD my friend. . . Obsessive Compulsive? My shrink recently told me I am, and you might just be too. You set the bar so high you are almost bound to fail (sigh). It is what we overachievers do best.

I feel your pain Deb, I REALLY, REALLY do. All I can say is let the house go (i.e. housework) if you can, don't fret about the house you are selling, it will sell itself I think.

Hang in there chiquita.

Mrs.C said...

First of all, have you found your brother?

Second, thanks for the thoughts on Jacob's tonsils, (sigh). I wish he had done all of this at one time too, because now I have all this out of pocket $$$ I have to come up with again. Oh how I hate insurance companies and over-priced medical care. It's such a freakin' racket!!!!!!!!!!!