Gaslighting

So remember when I forgot to renew Brian’s tags and he got a ticket? Well, when MY registration renewal came in the mail in January, Brian said to me – “Ha! Bet you won’t forget to renew YOUR tags, will you?” Much hilarity ensued as we both fell to floor in fits of laughter remembering how my neglect in paying the bill resulted in much embarrassment for Brian, another bill for me to pay in the form of a ticket, and me getting teased for the next 20 years over my mistake….Oh yeah. It was funny. Funny guy, my husband.

On February 26’th, I remembered that I had, indeed, forgotten to renew my tags which would expire the following day. No matter, I simply went on line, renewed the tags, printed out a temporary registration, taped it to my back window and smugly waited for the stickers to come in the mail. Brian would never know that I had almost forgotten. Ha!

The stickers and registration arrived just a few days later and I put the envelope on the kitchen counter, telling myself that I would put the sticker on in the next day or so - when it wasn’t raining, when it was a little warmer – you know, basically when I wasn’t being a lazy ass who simply didn’t feel like going downstairs, cleaning the license plate and slapping the freaking sticker on the tag.

Yesterday, as Brian and I were cleaning out drawers, filing old bills (well, Brian did that, I just pulled all the crap out for him to go through) I suddenly realized that I hadn’t seen the stickers for my tags anywhere…..and that my temporary registration had expired the week before…..and I was driving around on dead tags….crap…..

I frantically looked all through the kitchen and casually asked Brian if he had seen the envelope “No big deal or anything – I just thought, you know, I’d go put the stickers on now - I have plenty of time so really if it’s not here it’s no big deal.” He looked at me and said “Honey, did you lose the stickers?” Of course not! I haughtily replied. They were here somewhere. I’m sure I put them in my car or something. No worries.

I searched again – everywhere upstairs I could possibly think of, with Brian sitting at the kitchen table shaking his head, sighing and saying “I can’t believe you don’t know where they are. You should have put them on the car right away. This is what happens when you leave stuff lying around”. Then he grins at me……he KNOWS how much it pisses me off when he talks to me like I’m a naughty 7 year old who left her bike in the driveway to get run over. So, I “gently” punched him in the arm and went downstairs to search through my car.

Not there. I pulled out everything, looked under the seats, and would have looked under the hood if I thought there was even the remotest chance of my registration stickers being there. Now what? Do they even GIVE you replacement stickers? And what was I going to tell them? “I need a new registration renewal and stickers for my tags because I – a college educated, very practical, reasonably intelligent adult woman – had lost them”? The only thing that would make my humiliation even worse would be if Brian went to the MVA with me and watched this all go down…..

I pondered this as I leaned against the trunk of my car. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize until I stared at the back window for several minutes that the Temporary Registration that I had taped to it was no longer there. GREAT! And now I’ve lost that!

And that’s when the light bulb went off.

I leaned over to look at my tags.

And found the missing stickers.

SOMEONE had put those stickers on my license plate. Someone put those stickers on God only knows when without telling me. Someone who had been teasing me for the past hour….while wearing that shit eating grin of his……

I screamed his name from the garage “BRIAN!!!!!!”

I can still hear him laughing at me.

What a week!

Olivia had her standardized testing all this week for third grade. She was sooooo stressed about it, the poor thing. It's so sad that, at 8 and 9 years old, they have that much pressure on them. Added to that she came down with pink eye on Tuesday.

OK - here's where I'm going to piss some people off....

She woke up Tuesday morning and her right eye was glassy and red. I figured she might have pink eye and as I debated with myself out loud about what to do, she began to get hysterical about having to miss her testing, thinking she was going to fail. After I assured her that wasn't case, I made the decision to send her to school until 11;30 - so she could at least finish her her test before I pulled her out. Add to this the fact that I had to FIND someone to get her from the school, and then get her to Brian's work so he could take her to the doctor, and then get her back to mom's afterwards, and I was not in a good mood by about 7:30 a.m.

Why didn't I just take the day off you ask? Good question. I had a long standing doctor appointment the next day that I knew would take all morning, thereby causing me to miss work. I also knew that I couldn't send Liv to school on Wednesday once they realized she had pink eye, so I'd miss work completely. I figured I'd take my chances and hope that I didn't have to miss two days in a row. Brian had a crazy week and was shorthanded, so he couldn't miss a day of work either. And we realized there was about a 90% chance that Sydney would get pink eye within the next few days, so we'd have to take time off again.

I put her on the bus, and raced to work, calling the doctor on the way and making an afternoon appointment.

I got a call from the school nurse at about 9:30 a.m. - Come get her, NOW - and don't bring her back until she's been on antibiotics 24 hours.

So, she missed her testing anyway, and the entire office staff will most certainly be giving me the stink eye next time they see me. "There's the mother who sent her daughter to school knowing she had pink eye. Disgraceful!"

Yup, Mother of the Year, right here. Just waitin' for my award to be delivered.

After much scrambling, my friend picked her up at school since I'm a good 45 minutes away , and then delivered her to Brian at the doctor's office a few hours later.

By evening, it was in both eyes...

Poor Baby!!

And then we have Sydney, whose front tooth has been loose

FOR-EV-ER.

She just wouldn't let us near it or pull it out herself. My friends' daughter Emma (who's like another child of my own) was here over the weekend.

Emma clearly thought it was ridiculous that the tooth was still hanging on, so she reached into Sydney's mouth .......

....and pulled the tooth right out.

I was so stunned I didn't quite know what to say.

Maybe Emma's going to be a dentist?

After the tooth extraction, we took some pictures to distract Sydney....

I think I'm in love with this picture. Sydney took it....



Sweet Dreams...

We'll be back right after this short break!

Hey there everyone! Big mid-term project due this week involving determining the viability of a fictitious industrial building here in the great state of Maryland - cash flows, rental amounts, rollover probabilities, retention rates, capital expenses, escalation rates - oh, what a wonderful few weeks it's been......

But after Wednesday - no homework for a whole week! Can I get an "A-MEN?"

I'll see you after Wednesday - wish me luck =)

A day in the life...

OK, well, how about an HOUR in the life?

Weekday mornings are the WORST around here. I mean, really BAD. Brian gets up and leaves the house around 7:15 a.m. or so and the girls don't catch the bus until around 8:05-8:10. Now, keep in mind my girls aren't really "morning" people. Not during the week anyway (much like their mommy).

This is our story....


6:45 Brian wakes me up. Brian wakes up the girls.
6:55 Brian wakes me up again. Brian wakes up the girls again.
7:05 Brian threatens to pull the covers off and roll my lazy ass out of bed if I don't get up. The real motivation comes when he tells me he won't leave me any coffee unless I get up. NOW.
7:07 COFFEE
7:10 Begin calling for the girls to come down and get their breakfast.
7:12 Brian calls up to the girls that he's leaving.
7:13 What sounds like a herd of elephants comes bounding down the stairs and runs to the window to wave good bye to daddy.
7:14 The girls begin fighting over the prime spot at the window. I'm on my second cup of coffee.
7:15 Sydney cries because daddy didn't wave to her. He did, however, wave to her sister who happened to be standing right next to her at the window. Go figure.
7:16 Breakfast is served. I usually make a nice, hot breakfast of homemade pancakes or scrambled eggs with toast and juice. I do this while standing in the kitchen in my apron wearing my pearls and a sunny smile.
7:16 In the real world, breakfast is served. Pop-Tarts or cereal - with milk, if we have it.
7:18 I explain to Sydney that yes, they are packing their lunch today, because I am not made of money.
7:19 I explain to Olivia that No, I don't care whether she eats what I pack her or not, she's not buying lunch.
7:21 I finish packing lunches.
7:22 I begin telling the girls to get a move on and finish up soon.
7:23 I tell the girls that I'm going to get a shower and they better be done with breakfast, and be dressed when I get out.
7:24 I pick out their clothes for the day and hop in the shower.
7:26 I hear a huge "THUMP" somewhere. I have soap in my hair and no one's screaming. So I rinse.
7:27 Sydney comes into the bathroom to ask whether her orange flip flops will match the jeans and sweater I have picked out. I tell her I don't think so since it's only 40 degrees outside and since when is she allowed to wear flip flops to school in ANY weather?
7:27 The bathroom door slams and Sydney stomps away yelling about how unfair her life is.
7:28 Liv comes into the bathroom to scream about how disgusting her sister is and how Sydney got toothpaste all over the place and made a huge mess and Olivia just can't be around her because she is GROSS. Sydney screams in the background that she did it on "accident".
7:28 The bathroom door slams again.
7:29 Sydney comes into the bathroom to tell me that Olivia hit/kicked/slapped/pinched her.
7:29 The bathroom door slams again.
7:30 I hear the girls screaming at each other and a lot of banging.
7:31 I now have a headache. Have you ever tried to yell at your children who were two rooms away while you were in the shower? Very loud. Not good for the ears - or the head.
7:32 I'm out of the shower. I discover the girls aren't dressed, their teeth aren't brushed and they are still arguing.
7:33 I drip into the hallway and tell Sydney to finish brushing her teeth and tell Liv to get dressed.
7:34 There are several comments shouted from the bathroom to Liv's room and vice-versa, which are not very nice.
7:35 I go back into the hallway and tell Sydney to now go get dressed and Liv to now go brush her teeth.
7:37 Sydney has decided she doesn't like the shirt I picked out and has ventured to the laundry room to dig through the baskets for something that suits her fancy.
7:38 Olivia is complaining that she doesn't have ANY clothes and she can't wear what I picked out because everyone will laugh at her. She can't explain why.
7:39 A new outfit for Olivia is chosen and she finally gets dressed.
7:41 I yell for the girls to grab whatever they want in their hair and bring a brush.
7:42 Olivia shows up with my hairbrush, which she got from my purse. I am still not dressed and my hair has only been dried half way.
7:43 Olivia's hair is done. She doesn't like it and proceeds to take it out.
7:44 I call for Sydney again.
7:45 I'm now halfway dressed. But I can't find my shoes.
7:46 WHERE IS SYDNEY???
7:47 Sydney shows up. In her underwear. She can't find the shirt she's been looking for. I try to count to ten. I make it to six before I start yelling. Sydney runs from the room to get dressed in what I picked out.
7:48 Sydney is now dressed.

(are you exhausted yet?)

7:49 Sydney has disappeared again to go get the barrette with the kitty cat on it that she wants to wear in her hair. Olivia begins the morning countdown by telling me that we only have 15 minutes until the bus comes. She will continue this countdown every minute until we get in the car.
7:50 I ask Liv to please go let the dogs out. She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily and complains that she ALWAYS has to let the dogs out. I tell her to get over it.
7:52 WHERE IS SYDNEY!!!!!
7:53 I go downstairs and find Sydney in the downstairs bathroom riffling through the drawers looking for her barrette and singing to herself in the mirror. This time I only make it to four.
7:54 Sydney's hair is hair is done and she is crying. I probably shouldn't do their hair when I'm frustrated.
7:55 I find my shoes. But the girls can't find theirs. Olivia reminds me that we now only have ten minutes until the bus comes. I remind her that her hair still isn't done.
7:56 I give the girls 2 seconds to get shoes on. ANY shoes.
7:57 Sydney comes down in her orange flip flops. I don't even bother to count.
7:58 Sydney has gone back upstairs to get real shoes. Olivia is in the bathroom re-doing her hair.
7:59 Olivia comes out of the bathroom and I take one look at her and tell her there is NO WAY she's going to school with her hair like that. She stomps off to try again.
8:00 GET YOUR BOOKBAGS AND YOUR LUNCHBOXES AND GET IN THE CAR!
8:01 Olivia begins to panic because her hair isn't done, which means she has to start over.
8:02 I call to Sydney to let the dogs in. She apparently feels that she has to do EVERYTHING for me and that I need to start doing things myself.
8:03 Olivia's hair is now done and acceptable and she begins telling me that if we don't hurry up, we'll miss the bus. The irony is lost on her.
8:05 We jump in the car and race up the road to the bus stop, just in time to see the bus pull up - on a good day.
9:00 I get to work and walk into my office and discover, upon looking in the mirror, that I have no make-up on.

The Bath Aftermath

Cue spooky music......

Don't go in there!!

DO NOT LOOK IN THE TUB!!!!

GASP!

SHOCK!!!

DISBELIEF!!!

ree! ree! reee! reee!

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

When comes to making messes in the bathtub, Norman Bates has got NOTHIN' on my girls.

The room in which we live....

The family room.

Since the color doesn't convey well on film, I thought I'd show you a few "swatches" of the paint colors...

Behold!

My pants.

The creamy color (please direct your attention to the left pants leg) is on the wall opposite the windows. The light comes in and reflects off the light color and makes the room feel brighter.

In the evening.....

The darker color (which looked like chocolate milk when I picked it out - see right pants leg above) is on the wall where the two big windows are located. It's nice and warm and cozy.

This coffee table was purchased last summer, but we have had the TV on it since then. We finally found a piece of furniture we liked.

So we are now able to use the coffee table as it was intended....

To hold my morning coffee!

I'm still not quite done in here. I need to bring a more little color to the room....Maybe some new window treatments?

Hmmmmm......

Imagine the room with a thick crown molding, some window treatments with just a hint of a nice deep red.....yum......

And here we have a bracelet Liv made for me.





Lots of hearts for lots of love. I love my girls.

Oh My!

Well, I am quite possibly the worst blogger out there!! There you sit, wondering what has become of me and here I sit, thinking "Hm....when was my last post?"

And holy crap! I totally left you hanging about the colors of the family room. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. Of course, I feel as if am talking to myself, since, quite frankly, I only know a handful of people who actually READ this, but still.....

To be fair, I was waiting to get some good pictures of the new paint, and the room. But that would mean I would actually have to CLEAN the family room and well, I simply can't find enough time. And, we are trying to find a piece of furniture on which to place the rather monstrous television, so I'd like to have the room looking as I want it before I share with the world.

This past week has - as usual - been hectic. Wednesday night I had class - I'm really not feeling it this semester. I'm stressed about my Investments class, but can't get motivated to start on my project. My construction class is, well, a bit like Bob the Builder.

"And this power point slide is a BULLDOZER. Bulldozers are YELLOW. They PUSH things."

Get.....the hell.......OUT!!

REALLY?

NO FREAKING WAY!!

YELLOW?!?

PUSH THINGS?!?!

Well. I'm just flabbergasted. I never would have guessed.

(OK, it's not quite that bad. But still....)

Thursday afternoon the new Dean granted us a meeting, which went VERY well considering we were there to tell him how much we thought the program sucked and how he needed to do something to raise the bar to meet our expectations (see Bob the Builder lecture above). He was very receptive and I was pretty pleased when I left.

Unfortunately on the way home I got a call from my best girl Meg about a lovely lady I'd know for years (who happened to be a relative of sorts to Meg) and was told that her cancer had progressed quickly and there wasn't much time left. I went straight from Baltimore to see her. I was lucky enough to sit with her a bit, hold her hand, give her a kiss and tell her goodbye. She died soon after I left. She was such a wonderful person and she will be missed by so many people.

This got me thinking.....why is it that you never know how loved you are until it's too late? Why can't we tell people how much they mean to us when they are still here, healthy and aware enough to understand what we are saying? I have decided that I won't let that happen to my friends and family. I'll tell them how much I love them. I'll tell them how much they mean to me. I'll tell them how they've touched my life and how the world is better - my life is better - because they are in it.


Oh. And I'm trying to quit smoking. And by "quitting" I mean, rather than the disgusting amount I smoke now, I'm trying to wean myself (a drastic weaning, but still...) Don't get all excited - I'm failing miserably. Eh - what the hell. I'll give it a try.

And you thought I was bitchy before - HA! Those nicotine withdrawals are kicking in. You ain't seen NOTHIN' yet!

A whirlwind of a weekend!

What a weekend!

For Liv's birthday "dinner", she chose Red Lobster. The grandparents, Uncle B and Brian, Sydney and I ventured out on Valentines Day and decided lunch was probably a better option than dinner! The restaurant was still crowded as all get out, but we had a great time, and Liv got to feel special when the waiters sang to her.

When we got home, Emma came over to spend the night and help Liv "get ready" for the party the next day. They got up, took showers, got dressed and we did hair and (to my chagrin) make-up (which consisted solely of lip gloss, though Emma came loaded with more make up than a model at a fashion shoot).

I wish this picture wasn't blurry, because this is how I always picture Olivia - with a big, giant smile!

And then, they came. a house full of nine year old girls.

There was giggling.

There was running.

There was shrieking (my ears are still ringing).

We played games, we ate pizza and cake and we opened presents. All in all, a great day.

Ignore the colors on the wall. I was in "transition" and trying to pick a color for the family room. Of course, I chose something completely different than the swatches above and painted all day yesterday (Thank God for President's Day!!) Pictures to come later of my hard work.

Happy Birthday Liv!!!

My Liv....

Today my first born turned nine.....

My sweet little baby girl. It makes me nostalgic for February of 2000. Hearing her first cry, looking at those ruby red lips, and seeing the most gorgeous head of dark hair I had ever seen. Bringing her home and crying because I was so scared something would happen to her - so worried I wouldn't be able to care for her - so overwhelmed with it all that it seemed almost God like being charged with the care of this child that I felt an immediate and unconditional love for - and feeling powerful knowing that I would protect her with my life if necessary.

I think back on those first weeks of her life and get tears in my eyes. Those days of staying in bed with her, nursing and cuddling with her, watching her discover this world around her. I remember my small little baby, who would fall asleep nursing and snuggle into me - happy, content and full. I think of the nights that I would fall asleep with her on my chest.....there is no better feeling - nothing compares to that. I treasure those weeks with her. They were some of the happiest of my life - sleep deprivation and all.

We talk about our "first loves".

The ones who first opened our hearts and made us feel something we had never felt before.

Olivia is my first love.

I never knew what it was to love someone - someone I didn't even know - so much that my heart simply ached.

It's different than the love I feel for my husband. That sort of love takes time. We came to love each other after spending time together and getting to know each other. The love I feel for my husband is very powerful.

But this love? The love I feel for my child?

That hit me like lightening. In an instant, at 7:11 p.m. on Valentine's Day in the year 2000, everything changed and I felt something I had never before thought possible.

It's indescribable.

If you haven't experienced the gift of a child, perhaps you haven't felt this jolt of emotion.

It's so powerful it almost knocks you off your feet at your first glimpse of your child.

If you have a child, you know exactly what I mean.

My love for her is never ending. The cuddles I get now are fewer. My sweet baby girl has grown into a young girl and we are experiencing the growing pains that all mothers and daughters do.

But some things will never change.

She will always be my first born.

She will always be my first love.

And I will love her with all my heart and will protect her with everything I have until the day I die.

Where does the time go?

Wow! I can't believe the first week of February is over! Where has the time gone?

Here's what's been happening at our house:

I started school. It sucks. Seriously. Sucks.

I have a bit of a cold. It too sucks. Seriously.

Olivia will be nine years old next Saturday.

That also sucks.

Not because I don't want her to turn nine, but, well, she's growing so fast! She's halfway through her childhood. It makes me a little sad.

Until she talks back to me and rolls her eyes.

Then I think - hey!

Only nine more years - then she's off to college.

I can make until then.....

and then I start thinking about how sweet she looked when she was little

and all of the cute little things she used say...sigh...

And...I painted the kitchen yesterday. Yes I did! By Myself! Brian went to a hockey game with a friend, so I knocked it out all by myself.
Which, in itself isn't unusual. Brian hates to paint. I rather enjoy it. The difference this time is that he wasn't there to clean up after me. THAT sucked.

But I am so happy with the way it turned out. We had something similar in our old house and it was so warm and cozy and welcoming to me.

Look how bright and cheerful it is with all the sunlight streaming in....

Here the light is fading a bit....

So warm and cozy

And finally, Sydney and me......

I'm a loser baby.....

And why am I a loser?

Because tonight was my first class of the spring semester.

So, why am I blogging rather than sitting in Baltimore, soaking up the wisdom of my professors?????

Because Mother Nature had other plans.....

The girls decided to "play".....it was icy, rainy and altogether miserable outside.

But they thought it was cool because they didn't even need their sled to go down the hill. Snow pants worked just fine....

I'm a loser because I probably could have made it to school - I was more worried about getting home since the temp is dropping dramatically as I write this. And...I'm ashamed to say....I haven't even ordered my books lately. YIKES!! There's been so much going on that I have been too distracted to think abut school. For the record, this if the very first time - ever - that I have been this disinterested at the start of a semester. I fear I am quickly burning out. I still have a year to go and I just can't get myself excited! SIGH......


On a lighter note, Sydney got her face painted at a birthday party this weekend. She was determined to leave it on until school Monday (NOT). She was extremely disappointed to find that it had rubbed off overnight on Saturday. I was extremely disappointed to see that her pillow case was now a smear of purple, yellow and pink.

She quickly got over her disappointment when she lost her top front tooth - the tooth that has been hanging by a thread for a week now that she would NOT pull out. Brian actually reached in her mouth and tugged on it. She didn't realize it was gone until she saw it in his hand.

And finally, poor tortured Chauncey. This dog puts up with so much....

He's being attacked by the robot......

...and he's not impressed.