Judi e-mailed me the following helpful hints, that I will be sure to follow this evening at Back to School Night:
So you won't be embarrassed this year, I have researched some facts for you in preparation for back to school night. No thanks necessary; it's what friends do for their friends.
CODE OF CONDUCT FOR PARENTS
of
Kindergarten Students
Wear the highest heels and lowest neckline that you own.
Wear your bustiere and fish net stockings
Wear all your most expensive jewelry and your dangliest earrings
Make up your face. Don't forget eyeliner and mascara.
Dye your hair blond
Smile brightly at the men
Ignore the women
Wink at the men
Scowl at the women
Look confident
Stick out your boobs AND your ass (it's a nice ass)
Carry your Coach bag and make sure everyone knows it's a Coach
If your phone rings, scowl at it and mutter, "I wish Oprah would leave me alone. I told her it was back to school night."
Optional: chew gum and crack it!
Now get out there and make us proud, Mommy
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